Getting Broken

I suppose the part where I break is just part of the process. The outcome is still to be decided, but my passion has faded. That's exactly what breaking is, and it's getting easier.

You bend me and you shake me, you beg me then you break me.

Row, row, row....

I'm still the same utter failure at life as always... but I'm getting therapy from those closest to me.

Nah, I kid. I might be a kid forever. The thought of spending forever the same is nothing less than lugubrious.

It'll all turn out ok, I can be exactly anything I want to be if I put my mind to it.

A Little Rowboat

I'm in the same boat as always when it gets to this point; when I like a girl, but we still don't know each other that well. I never know what to do. I've got no dang clue what to do; play it cool and be normal around her, or go ahead and make my feelings clear to her.

I could end up in the friend zone for life if I just pretend to be "myself", but on the other hand I could alienate her altogether/make a fool of myself if I try to make something happen that clearly cannot happen. I just don't see it till it's too late.

I wish that I didn't feel my emotions so intensely; that I could just be nonchalant about how the situation turns out, so that if she likes me and I like her then great, and otherwise, that's fine too.

From now on it will be something I strive for...

If I could just keep my emotions in check and trust that God will get my back.

:P

She accepted my friend request on facebook. Oh mah goodness!

Just kidding, I'm not like that weird.

I'm just hyperactive.

Lunch

The girl joined the ten or so interns/summer hires who routinely take lunch in the SSPF cafeteria. Anyway, she's like really interesting and cool and talkative and REALLY smart and motivated. (Kind of the antithesis of me...)

She is going to start UCF in the Fall, which happens to be the same school I go to. What a coinkydink. I guess we'll probably end up friends of some kind no matter what I do.... Which is nice. :)

Thanks

Well, dear reader(s), I didn't freeze up or wimp out.

I talked to the girl that I like.

Just being able to say that... is pretty huge for me. Haha. But in the grand scheme that still doesn't really mean much at all. Although, she asked me to get her when I go to lunch tomorrow... and we can talk some more.

I'm interested to see what happens next!

True Luck

There's this girl that I like. OMG. But ARRRGGGG I'm doing what I always do and doubting, and closing off and DOING IT WRONGGGG!!! NO! Listen up, Bradley, I can't let you do that! I'm sick of me cramping my style. >______>

"Then.... why don't you end this?"

Luck and Love

I feel that Luck and Love go hand in hand.

It's not a simple thing, finding love, and I attribute this to luck. A lot of things have to happen just right for love to happen. It involves a myriad of factors with varying degrees of chance all being juggled, precariously being tossed around in the window we view our lives through.

And yet most people think they will be lucky enough to experience love.

I think I was at one time, but now it's over.

I missed the chance I could've had.

TT_____TT

Reasons for being good.

The way I see it there are two ways to be good.

"God-good" and "Earth-good"

When you act good for the purpose of pleasing God it's God-good.
When you act good because you could go to jail/get punched/don't have time to do evil, that's Earth good.

Right now I feel like everything I'm doing is mere Earth good and my conscience is numb to the rest.

That all.


...
P.s. I accidentally wrote "Earth-goo". I thought it was funy. I'll write more about it later.

I'm at a record for followers

Now my blog has three people following it! Woohoo!

The only way to find this blog is to find it via my facebook. But it's not often that anyone looks up that info on my page... Which is interesting. I never look it up on other people's pages so I suppose it makes sense.

I don't overtly advertise the fact that I have a blog because I don't really care if the things I write down here get read.

Flow

Let's see... what's on my mind...

The natural flow of my life has caused me to leave behind things I miss dearly.

I start to feel nostalgic, melancholy and morose.

But what am I doing wasting my time with thoughts that darken my mood?

=TT____TT=

My name is Rednoy Revo

...and I have trouble being close to people.



















"Nooooo...."

Society emphasized

Wesley gave me a stern lecture about my drug habit, my social skills, and stuff like that.

I don't have a drug habit, nor do I have social skills, but the topic of his rant was interesting nonetheless.

It seems that he's outgoing and extroverted, to a good degree. but I'm introverted and quiet... too much so. He gave me a few tips like put money in people's bank, wade through all the dicks to find a cool person (his words, not mine), find ways to enjoy people, and get them talking about their interests.

He also informed me that I shouldn't eat a bunch of mushrooms because it'll make you puke, you'll be alone, and you might as well smoke pot.

Thanks for meddling in my affairs once again... that's what big brothers are for. ;)

Honey and Clover

This is an anime I've been watching, I don't totally get it, but it's fun and entertaining to watch. I just watched episode 5. This episode can stand alone pretty well, so if you want a taste of what the show is like, watch it. You won't be missing much from not seeing the previous ones.

"Okay! Chill."

Hey it's actually working. The attempt to make myself more open-minded, easy-going, and patient has put less pressure on me when it comes to girls and I'm able to better talk to them in a coherent and confident manner. I'm insecure as hell itself, but there may just be hope.

Like, probably not though. (Probably putting my security in my looks (which I don't have) or ignoring stark reality. Seems like a greeaaaat plan.)

But don't listen to anything I say, I know deep down I have plenty to be confident about. :)

Shedding Light and Shedding Skin

Laterna Magika. In some language this (probably) means "Magic Lantern". I wish I had a magic lantern that revealed things I wouldn't normally grasp. Like how others feel about me, or what was on the other side of solid walls, or the result of my words and actions before I say or do them... or where I left my invisible jet!

---

I need to change from a hasty single-track mind to a patient, unconcerned open mind. That change might improve my life from sheer misery to a dull aching.