I find that in pretty much every case when fun is had, one must pay.
I had the most fun I've had in my life yesterday. I felt sincerely and unabashedly happy, joyous, ecstatic. That for pretty much the whole day.
...until I got in bed for sleep. I couldn't get comfortable, I couldn't stop thinking and just go the f k to sleep. When I woke up I had a terrible headache and feeling very sick. I even threw up on the way to school.
This is just one example but it happens all the time. And every time it feel like the two are exactly even, one never outweighs the other. So I'm afraid to have lots of fun, but can I do so without suffering monetary, comfort or lifestyle costs....
Is what I said before, that "life is about happiness... someone elses" true? Because it is possible to have fun at someone else's expense.
Perhaps if two people have fun together, and they both are sharing the cost then the fun can outweigh it. I think this must be true.
That's why people need friends.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
The two things I long for
I want my love to be perfect. I want it to be so strong, so unyielding, so everlasting that it overshadows EVERYTHING. I want it to be more powerful than a rocket, or Niagara Falls or a nuclear reaction. And I don't want it to have an off switch. I want to be existent on a different level, to be taken as unlike anyone else in this world. I want to strike out on my own new plane of reality. I want to be the prototype of a new archetype for mankind. I want, and therefore demand, sheer perfection. Unadulterated and unbreakable, deep and sincere, genuine and unmarred, absolute love.
That is idealism. That is way beyond difficult. ...But that never stopped me before.
The other thing I want is my individuality. I admittedly take parts of my identity from a million different things, but that's what makes me unique; the combination of all the things I like and the exclusion of all the things I dislike. Based on what? My mere whim. Given anything, I take it, run what tests I will, and find at what level I find it aesthetically pleasing. (that is to say, I judge things) My basis is my moral, logical, and altruistic convictions. I refuse to be told by culture how I should behave or at what age I should act a certain way. I am who I am and I will have attributes you might find reminiscent of a kid, but I'll also have those of an older person, and those which fit my age. Same goes for social standing, religious beliefs, ethnicity, geographical location, and upbringing. I am all over the place, I cannot be lumped into any category that has ever existed.
That is realism. I hinder my growth if I let myself take a mentality that anything has been pre-decided for me.
To tie it all together I'll say this: I want to be uncontrollably and helplessly in love and I want to own my own place and have a real job, yet still be able to listen to MCR and Blink 182, and go tricking, and be obsessed with yoyoing and laugh for no other reason than the mere fact that some guy online was spinning around and it looked funny somehow to me.
Finally, I found my direction. Before I was looking for something that already existed, but that's not for me. From this point on, everything I do, I do because it's what I want and need to do to accomplish my purpose.
That is idealism. That is way beyond difficult. ...But that never stopped me before.
The other thing I want is my individuality. I admittedly take parts of my identity from a million different things, but that's what makes me unique; the combination of all the things I like and the exclusion of all the things I dislike. Based on what? My mere whim. Given anything, I take it, run what tests I will, and find at what level I find it aesthetically pleasing. (that is to say, I judge things) My basis is my moral, logical, and altruistic convictions. I refuse to be told by culture how I should behave or at what age I should act a certain way. I am who I am and I will have attributes you might find reminiscent of a kid, but I'll also have those of an older person, and those which fit my age. Same goes for social standing, religious beliefs, ethnicity, geographical location, and upbringing. I am all over the place, I cannot be lumped into any category that has ever existed.
That is realism. I hinder my growth if I let myself take a mentality that anything has been pre-decided for me.
To tie it all together I'll say this: I want to be uncontrollably and helplessly in love and I want to own my own place and have a real job, yet still be able to listen to MCR and Blink 182, and go tricking, and be obsessed with yoyoing and laugh for no other reason than the mere fact that some guy online was spinning around and it looked funny somehow to me.
Finally, I found my direction. Before I was looking for something that already existed, but that's not for me. From this point on, everything I do, I do because it's what I want and need to do to accomplish my purpose.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Instant graffitication
I like ice cream sandwiches. I'm going to eat one right now. Life is truly a deluge of ecstatic feelings.
...
(That's not the kind of thing people read blogs for. This is just me making sure nobody starts reading this blog)
...
(That's not the kind of thing people read blogs for. This is just me making sure nobody starts reading this blog)
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Not very interesting I know but...
It is for the better. I have decided to take a year off dating. The benefits of my intentions are as follows:
1. Re-assess myself and better myself as a man and become more wise and mature so as to have a more healthy and successful relationship next time.
2. Get out of debt/not waste tons of money.
3. Have more time for what really matters: video games. (yeah not seriously, but my actual life is just a big game, isn't it?)
4. I'm tired of having my heart broken and I can only stand one or two more before I frikin kill myself, so the next girl I am serious about I want to be forever.
5. I've freed up mental capacities that would have been wasted in those thoughts and I'm mentally healthier for it.
6. I don't see every girl as a potential something but as a person and it's easier to be socially stable.
That makes sense right?
1. Re-assess myself and better myself as a man and become more wise and mature so as to have a more healthy and successful relationship next time.
2. Get out of debt/not waste tons of money.
3. Have more time for what really matters: video games. (yeah not seriously, but my actual life is just a big game, isn't it?)
4. I'm tired of having my heart broken and I can only stand one or two more before I frikin kill myself, so the next girl I am serious about I want to be forever.
5. I've freed up mental capacities that would have been wasted in those thoughts and I'm mentally healthier for it.
6. I don't see every girl as a potential something but as a person and it's easier to be socially stable.
That makes sense right?
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