Tumblr

I got a tumblr because I don't have enough pointless time wasters on the internet.

Here you go! http://escapes1and2.tumblr.com/

Escape Two

Escape Two

Behind the dark night's dark blind, a perfect place to hide. The lidless ghosts and their endless clones swallow up resplendent woes. In the muteness and the darkness and the dulling feeling all too heartless, I find new feeling, new pools of liquid thought-sauce, tasting ever so appealing. It is in this midnight nuance that I cast life's gloom off. It is not a blessed world, it is not a light or pleasant world. It is a messy world, apocalypse-imbued and worn. In this forsaken wasteland lies, a monument to my demise, the last locked room in my strong-tower, pooling all it's pent-up power, ever longing to devour, awaits the coming zero hour. I am here now and my heart falls, the tightness in my chest is gone. This forgotten place, this fortress of solitude, now a fortress of disgrace. Here in peace I forget the tragedy; she was never here, not in thought or in memory. Here in rapturous delirium, in a staring contest with the back of my eyelids, ad ifinitum.

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I'm not sure if I'm done with it yet, at points I ignore meter and some of the phrasing might be improved upon. Anyway, that's that. I am derpressed. derp derp derp. -_-

Escape One

Red skies loom above my bed, hurried voices in my head, the walls lean in to sneak a listen, all the smaller grows my prison. Dark shadows ripple gray and shifting, passing by like ghost ships drifting, My heart is sinking in my chest, into lost and unknown depths. Ages pass in moments black, rumble off and thunder back, In the pit of my despair, not yet gone, not quite all there.

Then... the hallucinogens kick in, I make new friends, the day begins

I see trees and people, turquoise and purple, dogs and cats, dark blue and black, fish and birds biting worms, evenly dividing thirds. I look at the ceiling or the sky, a swirling sea passing by, I stare for a while to see what I wanna, I see fractal filled nirvana. I'm wasting my time, thus sayeth my mind, I find my pants in a trance, let the colors flow and dance.

Ponder

Ok, well. I don't know why, but I was informed that I won't be renewing my lease here. So it is goodbye to my old roommate, Drew, who may have betrayed me or may have had no say in the decision. He feels like a frenemy, and as we all know it's better to have enemies or no friends, than a frenemy.

But, there it is, I am moving back in with my destructive and judgmental P and M. If I manage to keep them from destroying what's left of my identity and self-worth, I'll be seeing you later.

Catharsis

That's what it is. I'm purging the horrible. It's like a soul vomit.

So if it disgusts you as it does me, don't keep looking.

It's supposed to be unattractive.

I like catharsis.

not mine.

Why do I write this stuff?

I wonder if I write stuff down here in case someone unknown person reads it and... I dunno, saves me? Does something dramatic to my life? It would probably kill me honestly. Oh well, I like dying/am already dead. (but it doesn't have anything to do with words, here, there or anywhere.)

Bubble

I always seem to stumble into the land of laterna magika when in a heavy mood. Whenever there are glimpses of happiness in my life is when I'm farthest away from here. So this post is dedicated to those moments.

I went tricking today and I felt happiness while in the air and free. Not many people can say that. As crestfallen as I get sometimes (see pretty much all my other posts) I have a body and living conditions that can support a tricking lifestyle. If I fall away from that it's my own fault for squandering one of the few footholds I have.

Music. It is beautiful. There are so many good songs out there and I have access to them. That's a rope thrown to me to pull me out of depression's mire. I like trance and sexy dirty vocals and RHCP and more if I cared to continue.

Yoyos. When there's nothing left to do, yoyo. It's always there, never shifting, forever standing strong. I escape into another world when I yoyo, no matter where I am I can escape if I want to.

My friends are pretty good. some of them not so much, but you get out what you put it and it's my fault if friendships are crumbling. But anyway, for some reason spending time with freinds brings me joy.

Xbox games are fun. Sorta hollow and limited as to quantity of enjoyment, but nevertheless, there are moods that are perfect for relying on a game to get me through the day.

I live with a really good guy, Drew. Best room mate ever kinda guy. The living conditions as far as domestic life are pretty nice. And we're getting along together pretty well. (I think.)

I'm watching Black Cat which is a reallly good anime. Just what I want out of anime. I was watching Ao No Exorcist which is even better and super awesome, but it is still airing so I have to wait a week between episodes. TT______TT

So those are the kinds of things that I love. Let's see.... how well do they stack up against my troubles....?

I have no girlfriend and no love, I have almost no money and minimal food, God's got His back to me (and I don't blame Him, I've been behaving quite heathenistically, lately), I'm in debt pretty bad, I don't have a future, I'm failing really badly at a class that will holistically obliterate my college career if I don't pass this time.

I guess it's a toss up, an optimist would say all-in-all it's a pretty great life, but a pessimist would say it's totally crappy and all kinds of miserable.

One more thing; I don't know what I am anymore. I guess I'm undecided on the optimist/pessimist thing and attitude in general.

Ah well, I suppose I can't trouble myself with how I feel about life. It's not like my perceptions of how I am even matters. It is unnecessary information.