I like... ah... don't know.

I didn't want to like this girl this much. When I talk to her my heart races. I sweat profusely. My mouth gets dry. I probably emit all kinds of pheromones, hormones and theremins. I can't stop thinking about her.

Then again... I have to do something, right? To be passive would counteract my right to passion as a human!

An inconclusive conclusion

Well, I had a truly wonderful weekend. So I guess I'm out of that funk I was in.

Alas, I don't have something new and profound to help me through life. For now it just comes down to this:

Keep on trucking with life, religion, love, everything; and just really don't take things too seriously. Live more, laugh more. Look for beauty: seek out that which won't come on it's own.

That's pretty much all I can come up with for the time. Something will happen eventually.

This is Terrific!

Just kidding.

Right now -every day- I feel that my life is absolutely wrecked. There are moments when I can fake it or distract myself, but a feeling of failure permeates so deep it hurts.

---

I don't want to forget that. Because I know in later days I will once again revel in a world of bright colors, rich tastes and truly pleasant feelings... and I want to hold on to whatever changes my life, setting it as my absolute priority. In other words I'll willingly hand over my soul to whatever grace saves me from the suffering I can now hardly abide.

Clearly the next logical step points toward acceptance of religion, the discovery of "true love", a philosophical epiphany, or something -anything- that has the power to dramatically alter this life I call my life.

It has just been so bleak recently, and all I want is for something to work. I try, really try, so...hard... to live life the way God wants, in my actions, thoughts, beliefs, and desires of my heart.... I don't know everything so I can't say that "it's not working", but, really... is this the way I'm going to feel on nights like this?

As for "Love". I'm so thirsty for love it's just sickening. Feels like I'm shutting down like one dying of dehydration. Sometimes I'm not so sure I can be revived, but I'm loath to give up hope. To be honest, I'm just not that good with girls, haha. But I've never been happier than the times when I had girlfriends. All two of them. XD So what can I do but continue to try, and try my best to learn how to be exactly what women love to love. (a.k.a. be a real man? Not one who writes about his dumb feelings on the internet? Yeah, something like that...)

I'll end this rather lugubrious (sorry) post by saying I just had to get those thoughts writ so I can sleep. I think I can slumber in relative peace now.

Cool, haha

So, you know that girl that I may have mentioned liking a while ago? I am getting closer to her. I haven't revealed my feelings (I don't think) and I'm getting more comfortable around her. We're getting to know each other ever so slightly more.

It's hard to just be someone's friend when you're kinda crazy about them, without letting it show.

Yet, I feel that my "cold" or "non-nonchalant" outward behavior is necessary so that I can first cultivate an atmosphere of friendship and trust, before attempting to build a more complex relationship (i.e. a boyfriend-girlfriend sort of thing). I believe the word "ambivalent" applies fairly accurately to my feelings when around her.

So it's interesting and weird lol.

Pose(ur)

It may not show up too good in this picture, but the shirt came out really nice. I like it a lot. It had a tiny bit of overspray to the upper-right.

I now have a Laterna Magika shirt. It feels cool. Even though this blog has zero following and practically zero meaning, haha! &____&

Here, I darwed you a pichur

This is the Laterna Magika in my mind.

I plan to print it out on card stock, cut out the grey matter and use the resulting stencil on a purple shirt with silver spray paint. I'll probably post a picture of the result.

What can I give of myself?

I need to give something. But what? I'm not one for eloquent words, or timely autobiographical anecdotes... or timely anything at all for that matter.

Oh well. ^_________^

I can hear her voice now.

Does rationality even need to be called into question here?

"Revolution."

I like it.

Yeah, Rock n' Roll

I'm a reader of sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com. It's really funny. I mean... It's an acute source of happiness pretty consistently. Anyway, I read the July 11th post.

Quoth he: "Okay. Brace yourself. I can't be held responsible for the fallout. You ready? I Like You. Yeah, rock 'n roll."

I'm overwhelmed with curiosity at what would happen next if I were to say that to a girl, delivering it just like he does. It would almost be worth trying.

>____K

The Unacceptable Adventure of Boot the Brave and Sock the Conqueror

I've been writing a story. I call it "Boot and Sock" for short.

My new blog http://bootandsock.blogspot.com updates with a new page every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Start from Page 1.

This blog (Laterna Magika) will continue to detail the fangorious manner in which my life is being devoured.

I'm feeling better now.

The last blog entry was a little over the top, even by my standards. See, it was late, and I had just watched Casino Royale. It was the most heartbreaking movie I've ever seen and it makes me want to bawl my eyes out just thinking about it. :'(

It's just so sad... and I empathize with James... What happened to him was the most painful thing ever.

How else am I supposed to feel?

Unmitagably Obliterated

A broken heart is not an attractive heart. And mine is broken into millions of splintered pieces... My chance was missed. As always, I've lost hope.

I didn't want this to be the life that's mine. TT______TT"

Good, Old-Fashioned Escapism

It's not getting any better. If left to myself I get pretty much crazy. That's why I surround myself with my friends as much as possible. I don't know what I will do tomorrow.

I know I went about this all wrong.

The worst thought is, I still don't know what is right. There are two choices, give up or keep fighting.

But there's a third choice. One that is better left unnamed because it's a choice that should remain unknown.

Sturm und Drang

Oh man... The angst is setting in. This is one of those rides that I hate, but I get on it anyway... Like that darn twirly thing at fairs. I just have to wait for it to be over, while wondering if my life will ever reach a state of peace.