A difficult time in my life

Whew... my life has been perfectly tumultuous lately.

I'm getting all kinds of signals from all kinds of places, messages about life. Pop culture, counter culture, Christian culture and all the conflicting ideas inside.

I guess I'm ready for a change in my life. I was hit with the realization that the entire rest of my life is going to be miserable. But that's only if something doesn't happen to change it. I just want something interesting to happen. I mean, like, I could just give up on school and drive to California and make my way aimlessly till I die. Who says that that path will be the "worse" one for me. I can't even define "worse" or "better" for my life. Nothing matters after I die, which is the only thing that is for certain.

I could just hurry up and die... but I don't think I've got enough living in yet. There are so many things I want to experience! And from now on, instead of just thinking about them, I've going to try to accomplish them! (and when that happens maybe I won't want to get it over with and die.)