The two things I long for

I want my love to be perfect. I want it to be so strong, so unyielding, so everlasting that it overshadows EVERYTHING. I want it to be more powerful than a rocket, or Niagara Falls or a nuclear reaction. And I don't want it to have an off switch. I want to be existent on a different level, to be taken as unlike anyone else in this world. I want to strike out on my own new plane of reality. I want to be the prototype of a new archetype for mankind. I want, and therefore demand, sheer perfection. Unadulterated and unbreakable, deep and sincere, genuine and unmarred, absolute love.

That is idealism. That is way beyond difficult. ...But that never stopped me before.

The other thing I want is my individuality. I admittedly take parts of my identity from a million different things, but that's what makes me unique; the combination of all the things I like and the exclusion of all the things I dislike. Based on what? My mere whim. Given anything, I take it, run what tests I will, and find at what level I find it aesthetically pleasing. (that is to say, I judge things) My basis is my moral, logical, and altruistic convictions. I refuse to be told by culture how I should behave or at what age I should act a certain way. I am who I am and I will have attributes you might find reminiscent of a kid, but I'll also have those of an older person, and those which fit my age. Same goes for social standing, religious beliefs, ethnicity, geographical location, and upbringing. I am all over the place, I cannot be lumped into any category that has ever existed.

That is realism. I hinder my growth if I let myself take a mentality that anything has been pre-decided for me.

To tie it all together I'll say this: I want to be uncontrollably and helplessly in love and I want to own my own place and have a real job, yet still be able to listen to MCR and Blink 182, and go tricking, and be obsessed with yoyoing and laugh for no other reason than the mere fact that some guy online was spinning around and it looked funny somehow to me.

Finally, I found my direction. Before I was looking for something that already existed, but that's not for me. From this point on, everything I do, I do because it's what I want and need to do to accomplish my purpose.