The one I love will never know it. She's too good for me and will probably never be attracted to my type. But I can't change, I am willing but unable. It's too huge a change, it's the culmination of my entire life thus far. It is my identity, I am me.
I don't even know if I would need to change, I don't even know this girl anymore really. I just know how amazing she is in every way.
That's my claim to depression. I know there's a perfect one, but access is denied.
Some other guy better than me will end up with her, will make her happy, and my existence will never be known.
How can I move on?
How I'm doing it now is substituting my fantasy world for the real world...
Imagine a lifetime in which I had never met any girl at all before. I would be very scared of them, and at first show no friendliness. Then, I would overcome my fear and in a moment of triumph I would talk to a girl. She would be perfect for me and so would I for her and our love would blossom without any hidrence. The good feelings would start at that moment and never leave us as long as we were together.
As in...
I'm so psych ward bound if I don't do something about this...
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